Birthday Words of Wisdom


Hat-tip to Nuke’s niece …..

• Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

• The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.

• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

• If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.

• We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

• War does not determine who is right — only who is left.

• Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

• The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

• Evening news is where they begin with “Good evening,” and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

• A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. My desk is a work station.

• How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole darn box to start a campfire?

• Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

• I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks.

• A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.

• Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR.”

• I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

• Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

• Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

• Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

• You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

• The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

• Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

• A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

• Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.

• Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

• I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

• Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

• There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.

• I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.

• When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

• You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

• Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

• A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

• If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

• Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

4 Responses

  1. Those were Great !
    I’ve seen several of those on t-shirts, posters, and mugs…..but there were Lots there that are new !

    Your niece should go to cafepress.com and sell items with her quotes on them !

    *
    Here are a few I’ve seen on t-shirts that I like :

    If I throw a stick, will you leave ?

    Just be happy I’m not a twin.

  2. Those are some good’uns!

  3. eggsellent!

Comments are closed.

Vikas Acharya

“They alone live, who live for others.” - Swami Vivekananda

SACPROS - Leading Mental Health Resource Directory for the Greater Sacramento Region

sacpros.org is devoted to breaking down the barriers which prevent access to mental health services by providing easy access to available services in the community

PICZLoad pics a la carte

Watchout Loud and Have PICBliss!

chandleur

Bagatelle

Humanity777's Blog

The Church of Christ

The Stranger Canvas

Live. Love. Dream. Explore

Real Science

"Science is the belief in the ignorance of the experts" - Richard Feynman

Reclaim Our Republic

Knowledge Is Power

The View From My Recliner

Part of the "Our Personal Journey Family" ---- Man's view as the world passes him by

The English Major's Blog

A blog for Sheila van den Heuvel-Collins, writer and tutor

A Narcissist Writes Letters, To Himself

A Hopefully Formerly Depressed Human Vows To Practice Self-Approval

inbloguous

Warning: This blog may cause acute insomnia, eye fatigue, and a permanent loss of sense of humor. Read at your own risk.

Arlin Report

Telling You What The News Won't.

Ramona Crisstea

I dream of painting and then I paint my dream

1111broadcasting

Jump Right In with Splash

Karma's little spanker

Reality ... @#$%ing your brain...since...forever :)

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 428 other followers

%d bloggers like this: