This another Tale of the Sweaty Young Man.
The SYM wasn’t a malicious man by nature, but he was a guy that enjoyed a good practical joke, and the jocularity that men often engage in that might seem…odd to others.
This brings us to a warm humid Saturday evening at his house in Del Rosario compound. It was a large house with a large living area, a den, a formal dining room, a large kitchen, five bedrooms, and a laundry/utility room. The house was filled with rattan furniture and several Papa San and Mama San chairs. The SYM had three room mates, and they all worked together, but usually on different shifts.
On this early evening, the SYM and one of his roomies were sitting in the den watching TV and having some drinks. His roomie will be referred to as Sausalito Joe, as that is where he was from and was a real character, as though created by John Steinbeck(i.e. Tortilla Flats). As mentioned, it was warm and humid, as it was the rainy season, so the two roomies were lounging in the den in their underwear with the two oscillating fans on high speed.
During this time one of their other roomies, who seldom went out and ran the bars and streets as the rest of us did, was busy going between his bedroom and the bathroom across the hall from his first floor room. We noticed he had turned on the window a/c unit, which he had installed and was the only one in the house. We kept glancing through the living area and noticed his activities and commented on his preparations. Not long after, dressed in his freshly ironed and starched jeans, ironed western cut shirt, shined cowboy boots, all cleaned up and smelling good, our roomie known as Mac entered the den.
Mac was a good guy and a big guy, about 6’3″ and 240lbs. We always liked having him along on patrol, as he could block a door and not be moved by anyone. Mac was also not as outgoing as most of us, much more reserved by nature, but not someone you would normally fool with. Which is why he wasn’t entirely comfortable when he entered the room. Mac gave a little speech, instead of being as direct as we all typically were. He began by clearing his throat and stating that he was going out for the evening, that he had met a young lady that he wanted to take to dinner and a movie, and was hoping to bring her home later, which is why he would be leaving his a/c unit running. In a somewhat awkward way he asked if the SYM and Sausalito Joe would be up later or at home, and that if we were could we please have some clothes on. The SYM and Joe were silent and glanced at each other, and the twinkle in the SYM‘s eye tipped Joe off. Before Joe could say anything, the SYM spoke up and with a sincere tone, reassured Mac that there would be no problem with that, as the SYM would be going to bed early due to an early morning shift. Joe quickly replied that he was going out and wouldn’t be home until much later, and that if our other roomie came home, we would let him know Mac was bringing home company.
Mac let out a little sigh of relief and said goodnight, as he headed for the front door. Not long after the front door closed, Joe looked at the SYM excitedly and inquired about what they were going to do. The SYM told Joe to follow him into Mac’s room. As they stood in the door, the cool air from his a/c was almost shocking in its refreshing sensation, as they stood there in their tighty-whiteys. The SYM quickly looked at the lay out of the room, then walked over to Mac’s dresser and rummaged through a drawer and extracted the most worn out pair of undies Mac had. The SYM then explained the scheme to Joe, that Mac, being such a gentleman, would hold the bedroom door open for his young lady, she would step down into the bedroom and place her purse on the chair just inside. This is where Mac’s underwear would be hanging, on the back of the chair. Sausalito Joe nodded in agreement, the scenario seemed plausible, but didn’t understand why the underwear on the back of the chair. The SYM looked into Joe’s besotted Jim Beam eyes, and in a low deep voice asked Joe to go get the jar of extra crunchy peanut butter and a spoon. Joe’s eyes got large with the realization and was laughing as he ran to the kitchen and back.
The SYM held the underwear, which were stretched and had a few holes, while Joe applied the peanut butter to the crotch. When the SYM determined that the portion and weight of the peanut butter seemed appropriate for a large man’s…leavings, the SYM then hung the underwear on the back of the chair in such a way so that the illusion would be obvious. As they left Mac’s room, Joe was laughing excitedly and asked the SYM if he was going to wait up. The SYM said no, he was heading to bed in a few hours, at which time Joe said he wasn’t going anywhere, and that he would be hiding in the utility room when Mac got home to see what happened.
After some more jocularity and TV watching the SYM went to bed, with Sausalito Joe working on his second quart of Jim Beam, as was his custom.
Early the next morning, at 00:dark:30hrs., the SYM answered the alarm and climbed out of bed. As he exited his bedroom for the bathroom, the door felt heavy as it opened and a loud *thunk* was felt and heard on the outside of the door. Puzzled, he looked on the outside of the door, and hanging on the door knob was a pair of old underwear, stretching under the weight of a copious amount of extra crunchy peanut butter.
Later that day, Sausalito Joe saw the SYM for the first time since the evening before and couldn’t wait to tell the SYM what had transpired. Joe explained in detail, that Mac had held the door open for his date with a grand “tah-dah” gesture, as she stepped down into his frigid chamber. At the moment she put her purse on the chair she noticed the sagging underwear and its dark contents and jumped back with an expression of shock. Not knowing that anything was amiss, Mac looked at the chair and saw the soiled garment. He tried to reassure her it wasn’t what she thought, that someone was playing a joke and he picked up the offending item and sniffed them. The young lady recoiled even further in disgust when he did this and he was finally able to convince her it was peanut butter. Joe was well pleased at how the prank had played out, and the SYM basked in the glow of a successful ambush joke.
As for Mac and his date, they married many months later, and last I heard they were still married thirty five years later. Mac has been an assistant warden at a very famous state penitentiary for quite a few years.
As for Sausalito Joe, only the Good Lord knows where he is and what became of him. As good a man as he was, he seemed to be troubled somehow, as his heavy drinking would indicate.
As for the pwnage of Mac, he never really said anything about it, and didn’t seem to hold a grudge, but his new girlfriend certainly seemed to.
Filed under: humor, n2l | Tagged: humor, n2l, SYM | 2 Comments »