sometimes, you just want a cigar


One of the advantages of working at a smokeshop is that I get to smoke on the job.

I love smoking, I love tobacco, and I personally don’t give a rat’s ass who knows it. Personally I’m getting a little fed up with being vilified by society for indulging in one of life’s great pleasures, a pleasure, I would add, that is, at least for the moment, still completely legal.

A few random thoughts on smoking here:

Many people (non-smokers, naturally) paint the pipe, cigars, and cigarettes with the same black brush. This is utter rubbish. Comparing cigars to cigarettes is like comparing McEwan’s Scotch Ale or Sam Smith’s Taddy Porter or Old Peculiar Yorkshire Ale to Bud Light.

One drinks a good stout or ale for the flavor. The idea is to taste and enjoy the subtleties and complexities of the brew. The alcohol content, while significant, is of secondary import. But let’s be honest here: no one drinks Bud Light because it tastes good. The only reason to drink this misbegotten beverage is because you want to get drunk and it does the job, quickly and efficiently.

By the same token, no one smokes cigarettes because they taste good. The only reason to smoke a cigarette is to get that six-second-lung-to-brain nicotine hit that a cigarette provides. And just as one might drink Old Peculiar or Sam Smith’s because one appreciates the exquisite flavor of these brews, so one smokes a fine cigar (or pipe tobacco, for that matter) for the flavor. The idea is to taste the tobacco, as the leaves from various subtropical countries combine to form a complex panoply of flavors which intrigue and delight the palate.

I find it astounding that the anti-smoking zealots claim to be doing this “for the children”. Ah, yes, it’s always for the children, isn’t it? Has anyone bothered to take a gander at what the “children” are getting up to these days? Teenagers are binge drinking (usually Bud Light, not Old Peculiar), driving cars after binge drinking, using hard core drugs like cocaine and heroin, indulging in unprotected sex, and posting naked pictures of themselves on the internet. I guess this is okay, because-thank God-THEY’RE SMOKE FREE KIDS!!!! Where the hell are all the public service announcements aimed at discouraging this sort of behavior that can irretrievably alter-or end-their lives in an instant?

Actually, this isn’t even true. The smokeshop where I work is within walking distance of several colleges. Out of curiosity, I recently asked one of them why he had started smoking. I pointed out to him that he was too young to have ever seen a cigarette add on TV. In fact, the only information concerning cigarettes available to him from the electronic media (which is where teens get 99% of their information) was all NEGATIVE. Since this kid was old enough to understand the English language, he has been bombarded with nothing but adds telling him not smoke. So why does he? His answer was simple and to the point: “Everyone was telling me not to do it, so that just made me more determined to try it.” Ah, from the mouths of babes….

Here in Massachusetts, our feckless governor, Deval Patrick, recently held a press conference to announce that there would be no broad-based taxes. The people of Massachusetts, he said, were already paying enough, between soaring gas prices and an already hefty tax burden (they don’t call it “Taxachusetts for nothing, kids.) Okay, I thought to myself, I can get behind this. For once I thought I found myself agreeing with a Liberal, until I got to the last paragraph of the newspaper story. There it was revealed that Patrick intends to raise the cigarette tax by a dollar a pack. Evidently the cigarette tax does not fall into the category of “broad based tax”.

The truth, of course, is that tobacco taxes are the favorite method of politicians who are too cowardly to implement an increase in the gas tax, or alcohol tax, or any sort of tax that might actually get them booted out of office by an incensed and already overburdened electorate. Tobacco taxes are safe because they only affect a now politically impotent minority, and besides, it’s “for the children.” I find it supremely ironic that Liberal Democrats, who are supposed to be the party of compassion and the common man have no problem resorting to this most regressive of taxes when it suits their purposes.

Unlike cigarettes, cigars are not physically addictive. You don’t “Jones” for a cigar the way you do for a cigarette. This is because you don’t inhale cigars. As mentioned before, the idea is to taste the tobacco, and to this end one simply “sips” the tobacco into the mouth, lets it linger there for a moment or two, and then exhales it. While a small amount of nicotine does enter the bloodstream through the lining of the mouth, it is not in sufficient quantities to create a physical addiction. Rather, it is a gradual and relaxing process, which is why smoking a pipe or cigar is such an effective way to relax.

Which, now that I think about it, is what I need to do right now.

-Smith

“taking up a glowing cinder with the tongs and lighting with it the long cherry-wood pipe which was wont to replace his clay when he was in a disputatious rather than a meditative mood”–Dr. John H. Watson

Please visit my blog at murderofravens.org

8 Responses

  1. whew, just finished doing my taxes. I’m ready for some of that relaxing you talked about.

  2. While I am certainly in agreement with your assessment about how the politicos love to bash on smokers, and tax the crap out of them, I have my own methods for acquiring pleasure and relaxation.
    I have smoked maybe three cigars in my life, or rather have lit that many, found a pipe a little annoying to deal with, although I like the aroma. As for the alcohol beverages you mentioned, other than Bud Light, I never heard of the others, but like Bud Light, I’ve never tasted any of them.
    I think I’ve had one beer this year, when I was grilling that wonderful choice sirloin last weekend.
    As for my favorite methods of relaxation, they involve well tuned high performance engines, and firearms.
    Bet my carbon footprint is bigger than yours. :grin:

  3. Thus spake nuke:

    whew, just finished doing my taxes. I’m ready for some of that relaxing you talked about.

    Taxes? Ewwww!! Sounds like you’ve definitely earned some relaxation. Might I recommend a “La Flor Dominican Double Ligero”? ;)

  4. Thus spake N2L:

    I think I’ve had one beer this year, when I was grilling that wonderful choice sirloin last weekend.

    Kill ‘em and grill ‘em, that’s what I say. But you really should try the Old Peculiar, my personal favorite (real surprise, huh?)

    As for my favorite methods of relaxation, they involve well tuned high performance engines, and firearms.

    Admirable pursuits, those, but sadly incompatible with the consumption of fine alcoholic beverages. ;)

  5. We actually get taxes back this year, which just goes to show how abysmal my pay was.

    More time off than I’ve had in years, though.

    Dang. Perhaps the low pay–time off thing goes together somehow.

  6. Are there really any kids who can afford a cigar habit? a champagne habit (the good stuff, not that warm pig swill)? a taste for reserve port?

    Yeah, didn’t think so. Parents, if you want to ensure that your kids will never pick up a cigarette or do keg stands, give them a taste for things they can’t afford. :)

  7. This really is an fascinating post, I think you’ve got a good outlook on things!

Comments are closed.

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