(CNN) — It could be the latest so-called Chuck Norris fact: “The American people don’t choose presidents, Chuck Norris does,” and Chuck is backing Republican Mike Huckabee for president. Here are the Top 20 facts you should know about Mike Huckabee.
#19. Stephen Hawking told Mike Huckabee the universe was 12 billion years old once. Once.
#18. Mike Huckabee lost 100 pounds of body fat by eating it.
#17. Top scientists believe global warming is a direct consequence of Mike Huckabee getting angry.
#16. Mike Huckabee won’t repeal the Estate Tax out of sympathy for the families of his victims.
#15. Mike Huckabee has completed six marathons, two of which aren’t until next year.
#14. Fred Thomspon, John McCain and Rudy Giuliani all got cancer because Mike Huckabee looked at them too hard.
#13. If Mike Huckabee is elected, he’ll bring all the troops home–he can handle this himself.
#12. Mike Huckabee would’ve stopped the attack of 9/11, but there was an asteroid hurtling toward Earth that day.
#11. Mike Huckabee doesn’t talk in sound bites; he speaks in decibel munches.
#10. Charles Darwin was actually born the same year as Mike Huckabee, but Huckabee punched him back to the 1800s.
#9. If Mike Huckabee had been President, the levees in New Orleans never would’ve broke, ’cause Katrina would’ve known better.
#8. Mike Huckabee’s philosophy on showing mercy is “abstinence-only.”
#7. Atheism can be cured by Mike Huckabee’s farts.
#6. Mike Huckabee is so powerful, even the ugly, unwanted, weight he discarded is running for president: Dennis Kucinich.
#5. The 1976 Tangshan earthquake killed over 250,000 people. Nine months later, the Huckabees welcomed their first son.
#4. Mike Huckabee spelled backwards is “Jesus Loves You.” It’s not? I dare you to tell that to Mike Huckabee.
#3. Mike Huckabee is only running for President because he’s reached his term limit as Grand Master of Space and Time
#2. Mike Huckabee opposes the right to die… painlessly.
#1. In Soviet Russia, President runs for Mike Huckabee!
Honorable Mention: If elected, Mike Huckabee will replace the Justice Department with his fists.
Borrowed Liberally from TheIndecider
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Comment posted by Angel
at 10/22/2007 9:46:39 PM
Mike Huckabee lost 100 pounds of body fat by eating it…LOL
Comment posted by SwampWoman
at 10/23/2007 3:53:28 PM
Comment posted by Nuke
at 10/23/2007 3:16:07 PM
Heh. I like it.
Comment posted by Boilermaker
at 10/23/2007 3:04:54 PM
Mike Huckabee is currently engaged in a lawsuit with NBC because “Law” and “Order” are the trademarked names for his left and right fists.
Take that Fred Thompson!
Filed under: News and politics