Nuke Gingrich

Saturday Open

14 Responses

1. 

   no2liberals, on November 18th, 2006 at 2:53 pm Said:

   OOH…an open.
   Here’s a joke one of my Persian buddies sent.

   GEOGRAPHY OF WOMEN:

   Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile soil.

   Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe, well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash

   Between 31 and 35, a woman is like India, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

   Between 36 and 40, a woman is like France, gently aging but still warm and a desirable place to visit.

   Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past.

   Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Yugoslavia, lost the war and haunted by past mistakes.

   Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Russia, very wide with borders now un-patrolled

   After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages…only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there.

   GEOGRAPHY OF MEN:
   Between 1 and 70, a man is like Iran. Ruled by a Dick.

   Reply
2. 

   no2liberals, on November 18th, 2006 at 2:56 pm Said:

   The Wedding Invitation

   I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been
   dating for over a year and decided to get married. There was only one
   thing bothering me: her beautiful younger sister. My
   sister-in-law-to-be was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts and
   went bra-less. One day she called and asked me to come over to check
   the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she told me
   she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome. She
   said she wanted to make love to me just once before I married her
   sister.

   Of course I was totally shocked and couldn’t say a word. She said,
   “I’m going up stairs to my bedroom but if you want one last wild
   fling, come Up and join me.” I was stunned as I
   watched her go up the
   stairs. At the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down at
   me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline
   straight out the front door to my car.

   Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all
   clapping! With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me
   and said, “We’re so happy that you’ve passed our little test. We
   couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the
   family.”

   And the moral of this story is:

   Always, always, keep your condoms in your car!

   Reply
3. 

   no2liberals, on November 18th, 2006 at 2:58 pm Said:

   Southern Home Security System

   1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men’s used size 14-16 work boots.
   2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and your NRA magazines.
   3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
   4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

   “Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim, I went for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don’t mess with the pit bulls – they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don’t think Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of ‘em in the house. Better wait outside.”

   Cooter

   Reply
4. 

   no2liberals, on November 18th, 2006 at 2:59 pm Said:

   Thank you…thank you!
   Be sure and try the veal.

   Reply
5. 

   no2liberals, on November 18th, 2006 at 3:01 pm Said:

   One last thing, before my siesta.
   A PSA from the early 60’s.
   /henh
   http://thewisdomcu.be/athf/2006/11/09/one-never-knows-when-a-homosexual-is-about/

   Reply
6. 

   SwampWoman, on November 18th, 2006 at 4:46 pm Said:

   Oh, dang, back from taking mom out for a birthday dinner; at the last minute, daughter called because she was bored and so she and grandson joined us. Now, I better go back to work because after that, I needs da money

   Reply
7. 

   SwampWoman, on November 18th, 2006 at 7:57 pm Said:

   I’m, uh, not quite yet ready to see that Stevie Ray show “live”, Nuke. I haven’t accomplished even a third of that list of things to do before I die (and I’m still adding to it).

   Reply
8. 

   no2liberals, on November 18th, 2006 at 8:22 pm Said:

   What?
   Nothing about my jokes, and the PSA?

   Reply
9. 

   RT, on November 18th, 2006 at 8:32 pm Said:

   They we’re great…..loved the veal.

   ….between an old guy and his stratocaster

   Reply
10. 

    SwampWoman, on November 18th, 2006 at 8:53 pm Said:

    Nice one there, RT.

    Reply
11. 

    SwampWoman, on November 18th, 2006 at 8:58 pm Said:

    I dunno ’bout them jokes, now, N2L. My grammaw’s last husband was @ 20 years younger because she was tired of men dyin’ just when she got used to them, and danged if the last one didn’t predecease her too, although he left her with lots of money as a consolation.

    And I believe she was 80 or so when she married him. His death took the heart out of her, though.

    About the Southern-style Home Security System, there’s a bunch of size 14 boots sitting around on my porch; then there’s them that belongs to the ol’ man….

    Reply
12. 

    no2liberals, on November 18th, 2006 at 8:59 pm Said:

    I’twas, weren’t it.

    Reply
13. 

    no2liberals, on November 18th, 2006 at 9:00 pm Said:

    Okay, then….Cooter.

    Reply
14. 

    no2liberals, on November 19th, 2006 at 3:25 pm Said:

    Henh!
    I’m glad somebody has a strong enough stomach to watch SNL, so I can see tidbits like this.
    http://hotair.com/archives/2006/11/19/video-snl-on-islamophobia/

    Reply