Nuke's

thanks N2L for sending in this great satirical piece from The People’s Cube. Here’s an excerpt:

In today’s evolutionary struggle we liberals are the fittest species. Conservatives are so easy – accuse them of committing a sin and they resign and disappear from public sight forever. We in the progressive community are much smarter – we don’t believe in sin. It makes us invulnerable to criticism. That’s why we’re taking over this stupid country. However crazy, irresponsible, and outright criminal our behavior is, you can’t call us sinful because that would be forcing your values on us. You can’t call us hypocrites because we never said we were perfect. You can’t say we’ve lost shame because we can’t lose what we don’t have. Human imperfection is our standard, our goal, or breeding ground, our primordial soup if you will. We stand for nothing and have no values except those that may hypothetically exist in a distant socialist utopia that may or may not happen. ~snip~
That’s why it is so easy for us to bring about the end of the GOP reign thanks to Mark Foley scandal and resignation – how dare they stand for family values while allowing one of their own to be gay and hit on teenagers? They are hypocrites! Of course this could never happen to us. We may be gay and hit on teenagers all we want, but if that is consistent with our beliefs, where’s the scandal?

Not only we promote alternative lifestyles, we also promote freedom for child molesters, as follows from the recent Vermont case. That’s why, if Foley were a Democrat, we could easily make him a national hero – just like we made Rep. Gerry Studds (D-Mass.) a hero for actually sleeping with a male page – while simultaneously ousting Rep. Dan Crane (R-Ill.) who did the same with a female page. Please note that Foley didn’t have the guts to do what he believed in either way – he had no physical contacts with the teens, nor did he become a Democrat. Gerry Studds did both – and he received three standing ovations in Congress and got reelected for three more terms!

Filed under: humor, News and politics